Out of Left Field: Even Vick can’t teach an old dog new tricks

By HOMER PLATE
Humor Columnist — info@highhopesblog.com
_______

When Mike Schmidt held court in Clearwater last week, he called Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino on the carpet. But was the criticism warranted?

After a long and tenuous absence riding the high seas with my little person cousin Homeo Saucer, I have returned just in time to make the 2011 baseball season one filled with passion, excitement and I’m sure nibbles of logic that will learn ya’ll a bit about the world of sports.

Homeo was nice enough to drop me off about 6 miles off the coast of New Jersey so I was able to swim to shore. After crawling up the beach and taking a 3 day nap I awoke to read some pearly wisdom from the well spoken, if not totally bland Michael Jack Schmidt.

Mike was a hero of the Plate’s back in his heyday. And he clearly demonstrates that he is still a bit miffed about not getting the managerial job from the Phils years ago. It is so abundantly clear why he didn’t get the job and his latest media rant is the greatest example of them all.

While his glove was always golden and his bat was always, well…hmm…I don’t know, a freakin’ bat, his communication skills and baseball knowledge are as abundant as those dudes they carved into that mountain. And I mean the actual rock dudes and not those they represent.

He stated that Shane Victorio and Jimmy Rollins need to learn to put the ball in play and stop trying to hit home runs. He even went so far as to say Jimmy should try to be more like Pete Rose? What exactly does that mean? I’m sure he doesn’t mean that he should lay a hondo on the Phils to cover, so what I am assuming he means that Jimmy should try to get 4,000 hits.

Well, that’s all fine and dandy if you are PETE FREAKIN’ ROSE!

Jimmy is 32 years old and Shane is 30. I hate to break the news to ya Mike, but if they haven’t learned to hit singles yet, it’s not going to happen. Not to mention the fact that both of their physical makeup’s are not conducive to that sort of a stance. Pete was purely a punch hitter who just tried to make contact.

While Charlie Manuel has demonstrated that his game management skills are probably in the lower echelon of Major League Baseball, his communication skills and his ability to use his players effectively over the course of a season are second to none. And those rings they wear are his reward.

Mike, no one ever asked you to “hunker down and hit a single once in a while.”

That would be crazy.

For many years now we haved struggled with the notion of Jelly Freakin’ Krimpet as our unorthodox leadoff man. And guess what? We have a ring, another World Series appearance, and ran into a brick wall of great pitching last year, or who knows.

Take a poll of Phillies fans and you will find we are more than pleased.

And by the way, will somebody teach our stinkin’ top four starters to throw a knuckle ball? They should try to be more like that dude from the Mets!

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Filed under Homer Plate, Out of Left Field

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