Excerpts from Webster’s Plate Dictionary

By HOMER PLATE
Humor Columnist — homerplate@highhopesblog.com
_________

Boobonic Plague: Who the hells knows but I hope I catch it and there’s no cure.

Completely Naked Babe: Although very rarely seen by average folks, they can be viewed in large quantities by peering in the small crease in the curtain in the living room of the home of one Homer Plate.

Corn on the cob: Delightful summer time snack.

Corn on the Kolb: Funky bunion on the big toe of the Eagles new starting quarterback.

Dumbass: Mike Vick.

Fifty-Million Bucks: Amount it will take to resign Jason Werth.

Fifty-Million Smackers: Amount Homeo Saucer makes in a month.

Half Naked Babe: Can get into Homer’s house if they ask nicely and bring snacks.

Injury Plague: The 2010 Phillies

Lyme Disease: Dreadful malady caused by the bite of a tiny tick.

Lime Disease: Dreadful prison malady caused by Betty Bubba Bigshank shoving a small citrus fruit up your ass.

Pathetic Teenage Drunken Scumbag Loser: A young man who goes to the ball game, calls daddy and runs onto the field only to end up with a giant Energizer up his ass.

Hero: Philadelphia police officer who shoved the giant Energizer up the ass of the pathetic teenage drunken scumbag loser.

Porn: If you don’t know, you are either drunk or stupid.

Gay Porn: Same as regular porn although Homer has an inkling it was created in Asia as there are way more Wangs than regular porn (Homer only read the box).

Punt, Pass and Kick the Chair: Competition won this year by Ryan Madson.

Hang, Drop and Kick the Dog: Competition won from 2000 to 2006 by Mike Vick

Soontobecut: Mike Vick

Serial Pooch Killer: Mike Vick

$750 Million: The value of Tiger’s Wood.

Vault: The new room being added on to Tiger Woods old house.

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