Out of Left Field: Homer’s fond memories of March Madness!

Humor Columnist — homerplate@highhopesblog.com

Ah, the wonderful spring days of March. Flowers in bloom, constant sneezing and wheezing from freakin pollen, ticks rampant and sucking the blood from every part of your hidden skin, what a time of year! But of course, March wouldn’t be complete without every girl in America pretending she gives a crap about 10 sweaty, giant dudes doing something with their low post.

All she knows is she gets to fill out some schematic, head to the bar for the early games and pray, just pray that this is the year the Plate picks her to be his drunk fling for the year. Kelly from Villanova, thanks for last year! I think they heard you from the basement at St. Joe’s.

As I enjoy this year’s festivities surrounding March Madness, I recall my own participation in my version of March Madness that occurred while I was at Temple. Ya see, Homer had a few elective credits to take in his senior year before finishing up sumo dum wrestler (that would be a 2.1 GPA).

As the spring semester approached I read my elective list and saw a class called “Hotel Hospitality,” which fell under the Restaurant and Hospitality Management program at Temple. I figured there would be tons o chicks in that class and maybe a few football players finishing up their 40 credits they’ve accumulated over their four years of college.

As it turns out, my professor was a fine, young Finnish woman named Rita Ringmywald. I used to call her “Ms Rockmyworld” and she thought that was cute! Damn, I thought. I’m in like the UN Ambadassador that I am with the Fin!

This is where things got a bit dicey and turned into a real March Madness episode for one Homer Plate. While giving a lecture on holiday parties on cruise ships, Ms. Ringmywald said to the class: “While reading the text I want to make sure that you uncover the hidden theme.” I swear to this day that she was looking me dead in the eye when she said that and what she really said was “Cover me with whipped cream.” Well, I gotta tell ya, when the Plate gets a formal food request from an international type lady, I must promptly and dutifully react.

Needless to say, while launching at her double barrel with two cans of sugary love foam, the Temple Psyche team burst in and had me committed for three, long weeks. March madness at it’s finest I suppose? To this day, I believe she wanted me to turn her into a Strawberry Sundae. So when the brackets bust out, and the chicks start pretendin, old Homer starts remembrin those days in that funky white jacket. You’d think Ralph Lauren would make a straight jacket in case such a classy dude like the Plate ever got in a bind?

Enjoy the month sports fans! Phils comin’ north soon!

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